I’M NOT WORTHYReading: Luke 5: 1-11
Great crowds were pressing in on Jesus to listen to the word of God. They weren’t in the synagogue, they weren’t in church, but they wanted to hear what Jesus had to say, so they went to where he was, or maybe he went to where they were! They were hungry for what he had to say, to offer. When was the last time you felt as if the people you listen to or seek to pastor, or to whom you minister were that hungry, were pressing in to hear the word? Perhaps that touches on one of your broken places, namely that at the moment that to which you have dedicated your whole life doesn’t seem to be having much impact. And then Jesus turns to Peter and says, “Now go out where it is deeper.” Peter didn’t want to hear that. He was tired, as were all the others. They had worked hard all night and hadn’t had any success. But there was something about Jesus that, no matter how they were feeling, called forth their trust and their obedience. “If you say so, we’ll try again.” Sometimes we can feel as if we’ve tried everything and the results have been negligible. Many of us may feel as if we have worked all through the long ‘night’. For us in Northern Ireland, for example, it has been the long hard night of the last thirty-eight years of the ‘troubles.’ We have seen movement, miraculous movement on the political level. But have we seen a growth in faith, an eagerness to take on board the gospel values of the kingdom, a generosity of spirit and a recognition, at very least, of a common humanity? We’ve spent our energy, spiritually, emotionally and physically. How would we feel were we to be challenged now, at this stage of our journey, to go out again where it is deeper? We’re tired, maybe some of us are disillusioned. We don’t have the energy we once had. How could we face going ‘out again where it is deeper?’ If, however stumblingly, we have kept on seeking to hear his voice we know that whatever he asked of us we would do. We may have questioned, doubted, even rebelled at times but the bottom line, I would venture to say, for all of us, has always been, however long it has taken us to get there, “If you say so, Lord, then OK.”
The catch of fish, the result of Peter’s obedience, was so great that his boat couldn’t cope. They needed assistance, and so the other boats had to help. They had no option. How would we cope if, as a result of doing what Jesus said, we were confronted with an enormous number of people eager to be nurtured in the Christian faith? We would be in danger of sinking! Out of necessity if not out of conviction, we would have to cooperate with one another, with other branches of the Christian Church, on a much more committed level than heretofore. Church unity, that deep desire in the heart of God, would materialize sooner than we think – not uniformity, but unity. Peter was awestruck by what had happened. Even although he would have heard Jesus speak and teach prior to this event, this was, if you like, the first time he ever really ‘saw’ the face of the One who was to command the great love of his life. This meeting was his first broken place as a ‘friend’ of Jesus. He realizes his own inadequacies, his pride, his stubbornness, his lack of faith, his two-dimensional way of thinking and observing reality even as a good practicing Jew. It wasn’t just the miracle of the large catch of fish. It was the compelling presence of Jesus, his quiet authority, his ‘seeing and knowing’ compassionate understanding that broke Peter’s heart for the first time. The only way he could respond was to fall on his knees before Jesus and say, “Oh, Lord, please leave me – I’m too much of a sinner to be around you.” And yet he would have been devastated if Jesus had gone away. But it’s a very important moment of recognition for him. It is a moment where he realizes his own fragility and littleness, but immediately afterwards is affirmed by Jesus and given a new calling. His response, along with that of the other three, according to the light that they have been given at that particular time, is total and complete. “As soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus.” Maybe we have to do that, not once but many times on our journey, as we will see that Peter had to do. We think we’ve left everything, and then we realize that part of this crazy journey is a deeper and deeper letting go, a greater brokenness and vulnerability. In essence it is a journey into the broken yet, paradoxically, whole heart of God.