WHERE THERE IS DOUBTReading: Mark 9: 14-29
Most of us would empathize with the father of the boy in this Gospel story. He was desperate for a miracle, something that would rescue his son from his terrible plight. He had gathered with hundreds of others at the foot of the mountain that day, probably having tried everything else, hoping against hope that there might be a cure for his boy. Jesus was still up the mountain, so he asked some of his disciples to cast out the evil spirit, but they couldn’t. It seems that they, too, were consumed by doubt. This must have caused Jesus more pain than the disbelief of the crowd. These were his friends, his followers who had been in close company with him for quite some time yet, when faced with a challenge, could not make the leap of faith. The father then pleads with Jesus, “Have mercy on us and help us. Do something if you can.”
That is what many of our prayers are like, hovering between doubt and faith, sometimes tipping one way, sometimes the other. And because we feel rather guilty about that, we can interpret Jesus’ response as a rebuke that feeds our guilt rather than an encouragement that builds up our faith. “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” But it is the father’s response that remains with us, ringing down through the centuries and becoming our prayer, too. “I do believe, but help me not to doubt!” Somehow it comforts us to know that another human being, encountering Jesus in the flesh could still have questions, as did one of his disciples, Thomas, who, after the resurrection, wanted undeniable proof that Jesus was alive.
Doubt will never fully disappear for it is part of the struggle towards maturity that lasts a lifetime, but it is possible for it to cease being the controlling force it once was and instead become a rather stark gift that highlights and strengthens our faith as we struggle with it rather than give in. The key lies, as Jesus indicated, in building up our love relationship with God through prayer. When the disciples asked him later why they couldn’t cast out the evil spirit from the boy, Jesus replied, “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.” As we spend time in communion with God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, our trust and our love deepen and our faith is nurtured. Nothing delights the heart of God more than finding real faith in those who claim to be his.